We are living in a time when grief is politicized, disasters are opportunities to score points, and basic disagreement too often escalates into scorched-earth warfare.

We experience this every day, but I recently experienced it firsthand. At my father’s funeral—held in the church he loved, and sadly left due to warfare in the United Methodist Church—what should have been a moment of shared mourning was marred by division. Not long after the funeral was over, a longtime church member sent an unprovoked, scathing message attacking not only my family but others in the broader faith community. The closing words still ring in my ears: “I put you all in the same category. I want nothing to do with any of you. I am also confident the feeling is mutual. Am I being unchristian? Judgmental? Yes I am, and I make no apologies.”

It was a snapshot of what many are seeing everywhere in today’s world: we no longer disagree with one another—we disown one another.

But this isn’t just about church politics. It’s everywhere.

The spirit of our age seems less about solving problems and more about winning fights. And it’s not limited to religion. Look at the political mudslinging following the Texas floods. Or the bitter debate around immigration. In both cases, the human cost gets lost amid social media shouting and partisan finger-pointing.

We’re living in a “win-lose” society. If I win, you must lose. If you think differently than I do, you’re not just wrong—you’re the enemy. We’ve lost the ability to listen, to empathize, to stay at the table with people who don’t think like us.

We don’t just disagree anymore—we divide, disown, and demonize.

It’s the “Nah-nah-nah, we beat you!” mindset.
It’s the gleeful dog announcer in the Chicken Little movie come to life:

“This excitement isn’t just about the prize. It’s about the gloating and rubbing their noses in it.”

And so, from the depths of my soul, I say to all of us, from pulpit to pew, from Capitol Hill to the neighborhood coffee shop:
STOP. IT. JUST. STOP. IT.

---

A Call to Something Higher

The Apostle Paul, writing from prison to the early church, pleads in Ephesians 4:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Jesus didn’t avoid conflict, but He never treated enemies like trash to be taken out. He stood in the center, inviting all sides to Himself. He spoke truth with grace. He rebuked sin without scorning the sinner. He showed us how to live with open hands instead of clenched fists.

We who claim His name must do the same.

The question isn’t “Who’s right?” as much as it is, “What spirit are we living by?”

Yes, justice matters. Truth matters. But so does how we carry it. Righteous anger without righteous humility becomes just another excuse for self-righteousness.

---

What Can We Do?

• Pause before reacting. Not every disagreement is a battlefield.
• Assume humanity in the other. Even when they make it hard.
• Choose peace over point-scoring.
• Live like Jesus. Sitting in the middle drawing all sides to him, not on the edge trying to draw Jesus into our corner.

Let’s break the cycle. Let’s lower the volume. Let’s be people who work for understanding rather than always demanding victory.

Let’s stop lobbing insults and start building bridges. Let’s replace the race to be “right” with the race to be righteous—not self-righteous, but humble, compassionate, truthful, and kind.

Let’s be people who know when to say:
STOP. IT. JUST. STOP. IT.
And then—begin again, with grace.